"In a world where speaking is so 2023, we're revolutionizing the way humans transform their auditory vibrations into digital consciousness." - Me, Founder & Chief Disruption Officer
Prepare to have your mind absolutely shattered. Textify isn't just another speech-to-text app – it's a paradigm-shifting, ground-breaking, earth-shattering revolution that's going to make Alexander Graham Bell wish he'd never invented the telephone. (Yes, we're that confident.)
Using cutting-edge AI technology that we definitely didn't just import from Deepgram's API, combined with the raw power of Porcupine HotWord (because who doesn't want their app to sound like an endangered species?), we're transforming the way people avoid actually talking to each other.
- VoiceToPixels™ - Because "Speech-to-Text" wasn't pretentious enough
- AI-Powered Everything - If it doesn't have AI, does it even exist in 2024?
- Quantum-Neural-Blockchain Integration* - We don't know what it means either, but it sounds impressive
- Sustainable Cloud Architecture - Powered by the hot air from our pitch meetings
- Military-Grade Encryption - Because your grocery lists deserve NSA-level protection
*Quantum-Neural-Blockchain integration pending the actual invention of Quantum-Neural-Blockchains
- Unprecedented Accuracy - We're right 60% of the time, every time
- Revolutionary UX - Inspired by a fever dream after a 72-hour coding sprint
- Seamless Integration - Works with everything**
** Definition of "everything" may vary. Terms and conditions apply. Void where prohibited. Not available in the real world.
git clone https://github.com/textify/textify.git
npm install dreams-and-promises
npm run change-the-worldWe're currently seeking a modest Series A round of $50M for 0.1% equity. Our conservative valuation of $50B is based on:
- Number of times we've said "disruption" in this README
- Potential market size of everyone who has ever spoken words
- The fact that our logo uses a sans-serif font
- Chief Vision Officer & Thought Leader: A CS dropout who read half of "Zero to One"
- Head of Quantum Innovation: Has watched all seasons of Silicon Valley
- VP of Disruption: Once met Elon Musk in an elevator (probably)
- Director of Vibes: Ensures our kombucha tap is never empty
We're not just building an app; we're crafting the future of human civilization, one misinterpreted word at a time. Join us on this journey to revolutionize the way people avoid talking to each other.
Q1 2025: Raise more money Q2 2025: Pivot Q3 2025: Raise even more money Q4 2025: Add blockchain
*Roadmap subject to change based on VC feedback, market conditions, or our next meditation retreat
Special thanks to our investors who believed in our vision of replacing human interaction with AI-driven text. Your blind faith in our buzzword-laden pitch deck means the world to us.
Remember: We're not just transforming speech to text, we're disrupting the very fabric of human communication, one overengineered solution at a time.
"If you're not embarrassed by the first version of your product, you've launched too late." - Reid Hoffman "Hold my kombucha." - Textify Team
#DisruptionMindset #ThoughtLeadership #AIEverything #BlockchainAllTheThings #SeriesAPleaseAndThankYou