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protips.txt
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// Obviously, these are not real tips. Some are comically unhelpful, some are just nonsense; all are meant to be funny.
// Like this game's other config files, this file can have single-line comments. Anything following the double slashes will be ignored.
// Encoding: UTF-8.
Mash the buttons really fast. You'll play SO much better that way!
These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Can't find yourself in a sea of bots? Tough luck.
Try listening to Track 5 by Unknown Artist. You'll play better grooving to that beat!
Don't get so angry that you explode like a blood sausage. This isn't Wasteland.
Don't like the controls? Change them: Pry the keys off your keyboard and stick 'em where they should be.
"All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the [game] plays itself." -J. S. Bach
To solve the maze, one must first press a button.
To defeat the Cyberdemon, play DooM.
To win the game: Type its name into DuckDuckGo followed by "walkthrough".
Don't do stupid stuff. Let the AIs do it.
Made from 98% post-consumer recycled pixels.
Play this on your TI-84+ during math class!
Don't like the game? Change it. Seriously, it's open source.
Watch the moving colored things. Time can wait.
The end of the world is next Tuesday at 16:30. Try to win the game by then, or at least get a high score.
0x(49 66 20 79 6f 75 20 63 61 6e 20 72 65 61 64 20 74 68 69 73 2c 20 67 65 74 20 61 20 6c 69 66 65 2e)
When all else fails, read the instructions. But only when all else fails.
Solve your pattern, push on ahead, take mental notes as you proceed.
Pray to me that I will let you win.
Pray to your hands that your fingers will move faster.
Pray to God to change his eternal plan so you will win this game.
Shun the frumious Bandersnatch!// -Lewis Carroll, 'Jabberwocky'
Hakuna matata. That's the warthog philosophy.
The best medicine favors the bold.
You can never have too much of a crowd.
Knowledge is absence.
Regarding "etc.": It's only 3 letters; you'd think you could memorize the correct order.
In these mazes, paradoxically, moving away from where you want to go will often get you there faster.
If you die in the maze, you die in REAL LIFE!
Early to bed and early to rise throws the baby out with the bathwater.
An apple a day saves nine.
Slow and steady catches the worm.
The early bird wins the race.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a horse before the cart.
This door is to remain closed at all times. That is why it's not a wall.
Loading pro tips... Error: Your brain not found.
Made you read!
Che@p onl!ne drr0gstore. Vigarra! Cala¡s! Just openn this Êmail atachement.// For translators: Correctly spelled, this is "Cheap online drugstore. Viagra! Cialis! Just open this email attachment."
Do not show to horses.
Pay attention, there will be a test.
Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.
Do not point laser at remaining eye.
Hit all the buttons as fast as possible and move the control stick(s) wildly without direction. //Paraphrased this one from TV Tropes http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PacmanFever
If all else fails, act bat shit crazy! Luckily, I'm already 78% there! // Copied from http://pierceddragonstudios.deviantart.com/journal/Pro-Tips-519892891
Opposite of con tip.
The early bird gets the worm. The 2nd mouse gets the cheese.
To maintain perfect accuracy, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
If the game seems unresponsive, just plokta. //"acronym: Press Lots Of Keys To Abort" http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/P/plokta.html
"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe." -Carl Sagan
!yvon eht nioJ
When cutting a bagel in half, put a finger in the hole to stabilize it.
To protect your screen from scratches, apply a protective coating of peanut butter.
You don't have free time; you've just forgotten everything you have to do.
A place for everything, and everything wherever you happen to leave it.
To hack any computer, just type really really fast like they do in the movies.
Up up down down left right left right B A
Make a tape of arcade sounds. Play it in your boom box while playing Cybrinth. So 1980s!!!
If your son, when he's 8 years old, accidentally sets fire to the living room rug... go easy on him.
To do way the instain mother>, frigth it until it accidentally. //making fun of a very old Yahoo! Answer: http://web.archive.org/web/20081220203315/http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080810030304AAz4LT9 as well as the 'I accidentally' meme: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-accidentally
I accidentally this pro tip.
Ceiling Cat is watching you play. Try to play well.
A fool and his free time are soon parted.
All good games must come to an end – except Cybrinth.
Fortune favors those with many coins to insert.
A pixel is worth 0x3E8 words.
There's no place like ~/
One man's trash is another man's trash too.
One man's trash is another man's TRS-80.
Points come to those who wait near the goal.
A journey of 1 KB begins with 1 B.
Better Ctrl+S than sorry.
If at first you don't succeed, insert coin again.
Not just an amateur tip.
Do a barrel roll!
Real friends put game discs back in their cases.
When life gives you medkits & ammo, expect a boss fight.
The harder you mash the buttons, the faster you'll move.
The princess really is in the next castle. Honest!
You have no chance to survive make your time. //https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=All_your_base_are_belong_to_us&oldid=731993757#Selected_transcript
A winner is you!
You are made of terrible.
You are made of win.
Put in more metal moneys! //Yes, this is acceptable spelling. See Wiktionary: https://en.wiktionary.org/w/index.php?title=moneys&oldid=39555449#Noun
Pants. On. Now.
Even electronic brain pancake crystal elderly. //http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TranslationTrainWreck
Forward with the butter! //"áfram með smjörið" http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/BlindIdiotTranslation/RealLife
Move left, move right, it's all in the mind...
Go play Mars Matrix.
Dying is accomplished by death, so avoid this if at all possible. // YouTube video "LGR - Joust VGA - DOS PC Game Review" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUUP2FvRjW4
Wikipedia is an encyclopedia. Wiktionary is a dictionary.
NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA BATMAN!!!
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
Without coins there would be no gameplay.
Without cyberculture there would be no Cybrinth.
Stop looking for the Fountain of Youth; it doesn't exist. Make one.
Have some ANSI standard pizza and ISO standard tea. //References two entries in the Jargon File
This game is careware. If you like it, send money.
First, visualize yourself winning. Then do whatever you visualized.
Keep trying!
If at first you don't succeed, maybe you just suck.
"Necessity may well be called the mother of invention, but calamity is the test of integrity." –Samuel Richardson
Pray that the Random Number God makes the next maze easy.
Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.
You don't win the game of life, you just keep making gliders.
Necessity is the mother of intervention.
Get lucky when it matters.
Go play outside... until your mother looks away.
Have you backed up the high scores file lately?
"Love thy neighbor as yourself, but choose your neighborhood" -Louise Beal
Early to bed and early to rise and you'll be groggy when everyone else is wide awake.
While playing, think of vampires often... Or sex, either one.
Invest in zorkmids immediately.
When your high score speaks for itself, don't interrupt.